Dog Jokes



Growling good jokes:

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

  • Golden Retriever:golden-retriever-652107_1920 (1)
    • The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
  • Border Collie:dog-907848_1920
    • Just one. And then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.
  • Dachshund:whippet-85583_1920
    • You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp! I’m not allowed on the furniture?  Then get my friend to do it.
  • Rottweiler:dog-371945_1920
    • Make me!  I dare you!
  • Boxer:boxer-280418_1920
    • Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
  • Lab:DSC00400
    • Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
  • German Shepherd:dog-1156520_1920
    • I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven’t missed anyone, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.


Q. What do you call a dog magician?
A. A labracadabrador.

Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a

– Franklin Jones

An enthusiastic duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a Labrador that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new Labrador retriever. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The Labrador responded and jumped into the water. The Labrador Retriever, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new Labrador?” “I sure did,” responded his friend. “Your Labrador retriever can’t swim”.

Labradors are lovely dogs… Enjoy every moment of life!

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say it’s not quite as good as his mother’s……..

then adopt a Labrador.

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want………

then adopt a Labrador.

If you want someone who will never change TV channels, doesn’t care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies

..then adopt a Labrador…………

If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores………….

..then adopt a Labrador !

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn’t care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually………..

..then adopt a Labrador.

BUT, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night chasing the opposite sex and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness ….

..then adopt a cat!

This one is TOOOOO funny!! Me and  Luther COULD NOT STOP LAUGHING!  lol!!

A guy was driving around the backwoods countryside of Tennessee enjoying the day when he sees a sign in front of an old broke down cabin: ‘Talking Labrador For Sale ‘

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him that the Labrador is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

‘You talk?’ he asks.

‘Yep,’ the Labrador replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says ‘So, what’s your story?’
The Labrador looks up and says, ‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I got with the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a Labrador would be eavesdropping.’

‘I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. Then I met “the one”…I married with this beautiful Labrador Retriever, had a mess of the cutest Labrador Puppies, and now I’m just retired.’

The guy was amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the Labrador.

‘Ten dollars,’ the guy says.

‘Ten dollars? This Labrador Retriever is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?’

‘Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that.’



Q. What did the Lab say when he sat on sandpaper?

A. Rough! Rough!





2 comments on “Dog Jokes

  1. labracadbrador lol! rottweiler changing a lightbulb? make me, i dare you. lol they’re all great!

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